Emergency Jokes

the coffee was getting mugged so it called 911

the terrorists lost there landing gear and had to make a crash landing into the closet building becuse religon

9/11 called for help what did that get nothing

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

Why was the north tower a bad doctor when the south tower collapsed? Bc the north tower didn’t do cpr

I was playing hide and seek at work the other day unfortunately it ended me in hospital tho icu

*gets hit by a car*

Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Me: "Please...I need my...phone"

*opens twitter*

Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"

911 what's your emergency burning in toaster toast? yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast set fir to my forest

imagine u go to school right u hit the curve the bus driver be like ahhh how do i stop the bus students from the bus jump from the windows one of the students THAT'S a U Problem

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7 - When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the 'bright side' of it. She said "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome" 54 students died that day.

Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first. The one on the top or the bottom?

The bottom because his shits already packed.

Texans: Don't mess with texas

*snows 1 inch*

Texans: Please help us President Biden

911 whats your emergency? Me: Officer My Girlfriend is dead! Operator: What Happened!? Me: She Bit The Tip

9/11 911 same thing

A woman ran into a police station screeming "help i have bin graped" the policeman said "do you mean raped" the woman said "no the was a bunch of then".