Emergency jokes
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.
Now they call him Hot Wheels.
I wish 9/11 was in December because the poor farm fields.
Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.
A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!
Me: Want to play 911?
My little brother: What's that?
Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
Remember kids, if you're in a big problem, yell SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEËEEEEEEEEĒEEEEĘEEEEEEEEESH!
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
911 what's your emergency?
Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!
Operator: What happened!?
Me: She bit the tip.
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.
"Among Us" is a game (Skeld) where there is an imposter trying to hijack the ship and kill everyone. Does this sound similar to September 11, 2001?
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
Me: Calls 9-1-1.
Operator: 9/11, what’s your emergency?
Me: *hangs up*
How do you call a cop?
Through the phone.
(My puns are bad)
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
So little Johnny was walking to the bathroom, and he said, "Grandma," said, "why is the blood coming out of your ###😥 I need to call help."
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.