Emergency jokes

What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!

Where is the building I was in, and why is there a plane?

Why couldn't the blonde dial 911?

She couldn't find the 11.

Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?

All the exit signs were in English.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.

Garuda Indonesia 421:

Sully's co-pilot:

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!

Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"

I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!

"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"

When the school shooter finds you under the table,

"Wonderful weather we're having!"

Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.

A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!

How do you call a cop?

Through the phone.

(My puns are bad)

What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?

"9 Juan Juan, who this?"

Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"

She’s so nice.

What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in your dirty laundry!