Emergency jokes

Yo mama so tall, she eats paramedics.

What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!

Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.

Garuda Indonesia 421:

Sully's co-pilot:

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

Why couldn't the blonde dial 911?

She couldn't find the 11.

Where is the building I was in, and why is there a plane?

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"

How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!

Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!

"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"

When the school shooter finds you under the table,

"Wonderful weather we're having!"

Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.

A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!

Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"

She’s so nice.

How do you call a cop?

Through the phone.

(My puns are bad)

What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?

"9 Juan Juan, who this?"

What’s the first thing you should do if an epileptic is having a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in your dirty laundry!

I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.