WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
Where is the building I was in, and why is there a plane?
Sully: Praised after landing in the Hudson River.
Garuda Indonesia 421:
Sully's co-pilot:
It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.
I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.
Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.
Mom: OMG, why son?
Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.
Think about it, then spread LMAO.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
Breaking News! A plane crashes into a bridge.
How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!
I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
When the school shooter finds you under the table,
"Wonderful weather we're having!"
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.
A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!
What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?
"9 Juan Juan, who this?"
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.
Me: 911, I just killed someone.
Cops: Cool, we will not come.
Me: Why?
Cops: Don't admit a crime.
Phones: *Bang Bang*
Me: Well, that was 2 crimes done.
An orphan was shocked, he called the ambulance. If he forgot he's suicidal, he quickly hung up.
Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!
Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?
Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?
Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
“Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?
Doctor: *calls 911*
911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?
Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?
911 service: *hangs up*
I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.
So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"
Superman has been called to a huge house fire.
Superman: "There you are ma'am, everyone out and all safe!"
Mother: "But my children are still inside! You need to go back an--"
Superman: "Ah fuck'em..."
