Emergency jokes
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
Memes
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was a good pilot.
A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"
BA DUM TSS
What's it called when an orphan calls 911?
Operator: Hello, is your family okay?
Orphan: I'm an orphan.
Operator: *bruh*
My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.
Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?
Rabbi: Fuck the children!
Priest: Do we have time?
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
What do you call a rapper who's also a firefighter?
BLAZE RHYMES.
Why couldn't the blonde dial 911?
She couldn't find the 11.
Where is the building I was in, and why is there a plane?