"hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
Never joke about 9/11, they'll just crash and burn.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
Q: What is red, white, and blue and fun to watch?
A: A cop car rolling over after trying to catch someone for speeding.
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
Somebody shouts "Fire!"
Man 1: Get the children out!
Man 2: F*** the children!
Man 3: We don't have time!
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"
BA DUM TSS
What's it called when an orphan calls 911?
Operator: Hello, is your family okay?
Orphan: I'm an orphan.
Operator: *bruh*
My dad died in 9/11.
He was a good pilot.
My grandpa was in 9/11. He was the best pilot.
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.
Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?
Rabbi: Fuck the children!
Priest: Do we have time?
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.
What do you call a rapper who's also a firefighter?
BLAZE RHYMES.
The reason why in the US their emergency number is 911 is because of my uncle Mohamed, RIP, best pilot ever.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?
All the exit signs were in English.
"Parademics are so bad, yo mama can't stop!"
