Education jokes

What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?

Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

Teacher: What is the capital of Washington?

Dumb kid: The W???

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.

Me: What's yellow and can't swim?

My sister: What??

Me: A school bus filled with kids.

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of screaming children.

Kid: Where do I put this paper?

Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.

Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*

Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?

Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.

Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*

Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.

Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!

Kid: Yes, you told me to!

Teacher: I meant at school!

Kid: Ohhhhhh!

Teacher: Duh!

How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?

The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.

How do you know if an Asian is an orphan?

If their grade was only an A.

What is the leader of the school supplies?

The ruler!

The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl.

My math teacher walked by and asked me, "What is that?"

I said, "Paper."

She said, "Really?"

I said, "Yeah, do you need glasses?"

What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!

What does my uncle call a school?

A strip club.

Don't believe what your school bully tells you.

Always take it with a grain of assault.

Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!

Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.