Education jokes
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
What food makes you smart? Salt, because it's a mined food.
What did the bison say to his son leaving for school?
"Bye son!"
Get it? Bye son, Bison!
The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.
Father: Son, you can do butter!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright!
☠️☠️
What kind of paper towel do they use in special education classrooms?
Downey.
The students at Columbine needed books, but all they got were magazines.
When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.
If you have a teacher who is a Karen, comment what the worst thing that they did to you or your entire class. I know this isn’t a joke, but why not?
My teacher asked me what my favorite number was yesterday, and I said 2977. I chose 91 for my football jersey number and Sharpied a 1 after the other 1, and my teacher Mr. Jackson's dad died in 9/11, and when he was talking about it Friday the 9th, I threw a paper airplane at him and got suspended for 3 days starting Monday.
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says, "Leave, motherfucker."
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of screaming children.
Kid: Where do I put this paper?
Teacher: I already said go ask your neighbors.
Kid: Ok. *Walks home to his neighbor's house*
Kid: Hey neighbor, I didn't know where to put this paper, and my teacher said to ask you. Do you know?
Neighbor: No, sorry, I don't.
Kid: Okay, bye! *Kid walks back to school.*
Kid: Teacher, my next-door neighbor didn't know.
Teacher: Ugh, you went home?!
Kid: Yes, you told me to!
Teacher: I meant at school!
Kid: Ohhhhhh!
Teacher: Duh!
How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?
The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.
What does my uncle call a school?
A strip club.
When the school shooter is about to leave the school, and then the autistic kid screams, "Hooray!"
Why are orphans so bad at learning about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.
Why don’t spiders go back to school?
Because they learn everything on the web.