Eating jokes
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
What does Cangaball do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
What does Vin Diesel eat for dinner?
Survival Guilt.
What do you get when you eat a hamburger?
Mustard gas.
"Did you go to the biscuit eating championship?"
"Yea, it was crackers!"
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A big, red, rock eater.
Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"
She pulls out a knife and fork.
Yo momma so fat, she tried to eat a pie chart.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
Why do gay men want to eat each other's meat because meat is meat, and man has to eat meat?
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
What did the duck eat for lunch?
Soup and quackers.
Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?