Eating jokes
What did a cat say to the dog?
"I will kill and eat you hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehehheehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehheeehehehehehehehe"
What do dogs eat? Dog food.
What do you call an all-you-can-eat buffet for a pedophile? A school bus.
D: Johnny, Johnny.
J: Yes, Papa?
D: Eating sugar?
J: No, Papa!
D: Telling lies?
J: No, Papa!
D: Open your mouth, now full of cock. :)
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
10 years ago my dad said I should eat cereal with water until he comes back with the milk... I still eat cereal with water, sadly.
What do you call a rapper's favorite place to eat?
The MIC Donald's drive-thru.
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?
Dear Hearing People,
We, deaf people, ain’t dead. We can use our hands to talk, eat & fist your face to give you some 💡 awareness that we can understand you 💯 meanwhile we laugh at you 🤡 We can even dance via vibration through music.
Do you know the song w lyric like this 👇 *white b.... accent: Ohhh.. MY God BECKY.. L👀k at her butt. IT is SO BIG. *BIG BEAT DROP* I...LIKE...BIG...BUTT...I cannot LIE 👻 I promise we ain’t ghosting around - Brittany Rose.
Why is the orphan sad for dinner?
He has no one to eat with at the table.
Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?
Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.
Fat: Dang...
Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.
What is a cannibal's favorite vegetable?
- Ladies' Finger
Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yull.
Yull who?
You'll be sorry if you eat all the fruitcake!
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
A brain eats cheddar cheese.
Why do poor people eat insects?
Because they're locust!