Eating jokes

How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

How did the cheetah greet other animals?

Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."

Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.

Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.

Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!

Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?

It made sour milk.

What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?

Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂

Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.

Why do orphans eat an ice cream cone?? They can't afford a family pack.

Gf: Hi.

Bf: Hi.

Gf: Did you eat yet?

Bf: Did you eat yet?

Gf: Are you copying me?

Bf: Are you coping me??

Gf: I love you.

Bf: Yeah, I ate already.

Why did the student cannibal rush to the cafeteria?

He wanted to eat ahead of the others.

Q: Why should you never invite an aardvark to your family reunion?

A: Because it will eat your "aunts."

Why do women like Pac-Man so much?

How else can you get eaten three times for a quarter?

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.

What do mice eat for dinner?

Mac n Cheese.

What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.

Last time I ate a vegetable, I got banned from my sister's group home.

How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?

Stop eating caterpillars.

How do you properly eat a vegetable?

You tip over the wheelchair.