Eating jokes
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
REALLY CRAPPY JOKE ALERT!!! Oh Quin, how was eating that tight butt? Must be nasty. I heard you met from rear ending him.
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
Why did the Twin Towers go to Uber Eats?
Because they wanted something plain.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.
Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.
What do Africans eat for breakfast?
E-bola Cornflakes.
What can Michael Jackson eat in his coffin?
Nothing, only brown bread, what they call it! 😂😂😂
Vegans: Save the Earth.
Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
Your mum is so fat, she eats every meal from KFC, Maccas, Hungry Jacks all at once!
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What type of cake can orphans not eat? Homemade.