Eating jokes

How do fish get high?

Because they eat seaweed.

Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.

"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.

"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"

How do you properly eat a vegetable?

You tip over the wheelchair.

How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?

Stop eating caterpillars.

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.

When I woke, I was being sexually abused.

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

Are you Jeffrey Dahmer? Because I'd love you to eat me.

WAIT! I remember how the joke goes! These two cannibals are hanging out eating lunch, which is a clown, you see, 'cause they're cannibals and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "Does this taste funny to you?"

What do bats like to eat?

Bloodsuckers! 🩸🍭😂

What did one alligator say to the other alligator?

"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

What’s a cannibal's favorite food? Ramen (Ra-Men).

If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.

Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.

Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.

I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?

Just too bitter.

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

What if little Johnny was doing drugs?

"Johnny, Johnny?"

"Yes, Papa?"

"Eating sugar?"

"No, Papa..."

Yo momma is so stupid, she saw an anime and started eating a live rabbit, and thought she would get powers!