Eating jokes
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
Yo momma is so stupid, she eats cardboard boxes thinking they're chocolate bars.
It’s sleepover, with three kids, which are friends. Kid 1: let’s eat pancake! Kid 2: agreed! The kid named Pancake:
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
Yo mama so fat, she eat 60 Big Macs while singing "Badaaha."
A boy asked his dad for some money to buy an ice cream with, so he went to an ice cream van. Whilst he was in the queue, two boys asked him what flavor he was getting. He told them "strawberry." The two boys were shocked and beat him up. The ice cream man felt bad and gave him his strawberry ice cream for free.
When he got home, his dad also asked what flavor he bought. The boy said "strawberry." His dad then kicked him out of the house. The boy, confused, walked down the street and was stopped by the police, who were looking for a boy who had been eating strawberry ice cream. The boy said, "That's me," and the policeman arrested him.
A week later in court, the boy was on trial. The judge asked, "Can you tell me what were you doing on the fifth of May?" (the day he was arrested) The boy said, "I was eating ice cream." The judge decided he was innocent. On the way out, the judge asked him what the flavor was (he had forgotten to ask during the trial). Of course, he answered with "strawberry." The judge, horrified, realized he had given the wrong verdict and the boy should have been executed. Unfortunately, he couldn't change what had happened, so the boy walked out and crossed the road but was hit by a car and died.
The moral of the story is look left and right before crossing the road.
D: Johnny, Johnny.
J: Yes, Papa?
D: Eating sugar?
J: No, Papa!
D: Telling lies?
J: No, Papa!
D: Open your mouth, now full of cock. :)
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
What is a cannibal's favorite drink?
Coffee.
What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?
Long John Silvers or Captain D's.
Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Eating dick? Yes, Papa.
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
Why did the Roman eat pizza? He felt like it.
Why don't sharks eat n****rs? They think it's whale shit.
What does iCloud eat for lunch?
Your documents.
Yo mama so fat that if she didn't eat for a day, there would be enough food to feed Africans for 500 years.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
What does Stephen Hawking eat for his breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
His shoulder.