Eating

Eating Jokes

Cannibal

Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?

On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!

Salad

Why did the transgender man only eat salad?

Because he was a "her" before.

Pizza

Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?

It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.

Orphan

Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?

Because there is no family.

Knock knock

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

Pizza

Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?

Twin Towers

Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?

After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........

Banana

Scientists say a banana a day is great for the colon.

But you gotta eat it!

Dad

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

Dad

What's the difference between the milkman and my dad?

Nothing, they are both one thing except he never returns with milk.

(I've been eating cereal with water COMBINATION!)

Dad

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

Bunny

This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.

Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.

Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"

Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.

Hula-hoop

How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.

Africa

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.