Eating jokes
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?
Put the diapers back on.
What is a cannibal's favorite restaurant?
Five Guys.
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
Where do the Borg eat fast food?
Borger King.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?
Men toes.
What do gay horses eat?
Hay.