Dying jokes

"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

What's a suicide bomber's biggest fear?

Dying alone.

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette?

Artificial intelligence.

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

Hey mum, why do people keep suddenly dying in our family?

Mum?

Mum?

Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!

My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.

Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

Passengers: *Clap*

Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

Flight Attendant: And what is that?

Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

One day my ex-best friend lied about his computer dying when he left the call and watched YouTube.

Dying mall be like...

"Toys" were us.

Goodbye, kitty.

Dying Canes.

Why are there gates on a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get inside. Lol

I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...

What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?

The second hour is free.

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

What were Stephen Hawking's dying words?

"Restore factory settings."

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

You fighting? More like you're dying!

"Do you have a noose?"

"Nose?"

"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."

"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"

"No."

*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*

This is how to die soft 101.

Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?