Dying Jokes

I heard this was a really popular funeral home. People are dying to get in.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.

I drank some dye before, but don't worry, I've only dyed a little inside.

Why do they have fences around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."

The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"

The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."

Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.

He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"

"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.

Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"

An emo girl dyed her hair red.

Where does her hairline start? Her wrist.

The West is dying...just like the romance of an empire, especially the western part of the empire. Funny that, 'cause the East was going strong.

Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!

Too bad it's a dying trade. :)

For all the planes who are flying alone, you're not dying on your own.

As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...

"It was just a prank bro."

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

Why do cemeteries have fences?

Because people are dying to be there.

Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.

Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.

Nessie is dying.

"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.