Dying Jokes

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die. But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I wont die because the potato is already dead and cant attack my immune system.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

How did Stephen Hawking die? There was a power outage

After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!

There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said "i farted and the building behind me blew up".

Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?

how haileys child dies

What's worse than depression & suicide? Easy : LIVING Everyday you wish you were dead but than reality hits u in the face that your still alive and has to suffer living Pretend or not pretend we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no onw will notice :) no one ever does :) Living is the problem to everything we get depression cuz of it and so much why can't we just die :) ?

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

why did stephen hawkins die

he lost internet connections

Funny Test Answers #6

Pro Fest-Answer these questions as accurately as possible.
1. in which battle did Napoleon Die? His last one
2. Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?
on the bottom of the page.
3. River Ravi, flows is which state?
Liquid State
4. What is the main reason for Divorce?
MARRIAGE
S. What is the main reason for Exams?
FAILURE
6. What can you never eat for Breakfast?
Lunch & Dinner
7. What looks like half an apple?
The other HALF
8. If you threw a red stone into the Blue Sea, what will it become?
Simply, Awet stone
9. How can a Man go 8 days without sleeping?
EASY, sleep at night.
A+ for Creativity
Mis Ta
Jun
10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
you can never lift on elephant that has I HAND
11.If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 3 oranges and 4 apples
in the other hand, what would you have?
VERY Large HANDS
12.if it took, eight men 10 hours to build a brick wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?
No time at all, the wall was
already built
13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Any way you
very
want, because a concrete floor
hard to crack.

The cemetery is so overcrowded. People are just dying to get in.

I only remember my fathers last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

How did stephen hawking die?

He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall

3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free".