Dying jokes

My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."

After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.

But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!

All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

Do you have dark humor?

Actually, never mind. I was going to tell you a joke about babies dying... but I decided to abort.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

But when you do, people scream and run away.

Never invest in funerals. It's a dying industry.

I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.

A depressing but satisfying victory.

A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."

The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"

The doctor calmly replies "Nine".

If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.

Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.

I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.