Dude

Dude Jokes

Me: (pointing up in the air) "EVERYBODY LISTEN UP THIS IS A ROBBERY" Girl: "dude, this is a library" Me: "oh" (screwing on a silencer)

1

One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like "dude, this can't be healthy." But he said "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."

5

A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.

He bought a home on a small piece of land.

The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.

He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.

Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.

Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.

Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbour leading a bull down the drive way and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.

The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."

The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."

'What do you mean' says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."

"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me" replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks get piss drunk and listen to bull-shit!"

3

what do you call dude that is always high and gets higher then everyone else in the family the alpha pot head

Sans:Zzzzzzzz Papyrus:SANS WAKE UP!! Sans:What is it dude? Papyrus:A human has fallen from the surface world! Sans:And you gotta BONE to pick with 'em?? Papyrus:Grrrrr.... Sans:Oh come on that was a real RIBTICKLER.

Some dude called me a tool

So later I got hammered and nailed his gf.

Guess he was right :/

credit to funnydude from laugh factory website lol

Yes, sir

Four big guys and they grab on my thighs Blow up my guts like the 4th of July If they keep fuckin' my butt then I might just cry Poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes

He lick my dick and the cum start sprayin' Charging up my dick I'ma go super saiyan When he cum the fuckin' booty I don't do much playing Then I whispered in his ear, like hey are you stayin' He said yeah I'm not leavin'

I guess he George Floyd, cause always leavin' Not breathin' he chew on my dick like a baby That's teathin' I'm fuckin' a nigga I think it's named Steven Hawkin f*ck him 'til he ain't walkin', dick stone-cold call him BBC Austin It's a booty massacre when I visit him in Boston Bought him new titties I don't care what they costin'

Bitch, hop on the dick do a split Shout out Lil Baby My dick is as real as it gets, I'm not fuckin' On him if he don't have tits I'm catchin' his balls like my name Kyle Bitz

There's four Big guys, they're grabin' on my thighs They blow my guts like the 4th of July If he keep fuckin' my butt then I might cry There's poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes

Yes sir, that is a fact tho, take out my dick slip it in his asshole Swinging my dick through the air like a lasso Painted his face like Apollo Pocasso (ugh) But I'm not a very good artist, f*ck 'em all good 'til that Nigga farted planted my seeds in his ass like a garden The way I play with balls, you should call me James Harden

Yeah, DigBar is elite, there's four big guys and I'm takin' their meat I eat the boy's butt, Then I chase him with skeet And I charge for booty, I promise DigBar Isn't cheap And I count dudes when I sleep, not sheep, get up in my sheets And I'm beatin' on my meat

Bitch We got four big guys and they grab on my thighs And they gon' bust on my eyes

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still cant f*ck."

A friend called me a while back say "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing". I reply saying " Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes".

“Dude come here and see a rabbit!”

“Ok!”

“Are u ok man?”

“Yeah I’m fine”

“Dude pull your pants back up!