Dude jokes

How do you torture an autistic dude? Start a staring contest.

A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"

Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!

Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!

Two bald dudes were pulling each other's hair.

Why are gay dudes so rude?

Because they're fucking assholes.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

Why’s BBC called BBC?

The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-

Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.

Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.

"Guys! Let’s hang out after school!"

Dude named Guys:

Dude named Out:

Dude named School:

Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!

Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!

Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*

Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!

Papyrus: Nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude!

Sans: I guess now it says pool dude ;)

Papyrus: SSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS!

I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/

I hate 9/11 jokes... They always crash and burn, like, dude, it's not funny?

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?