Dude jokes

I was walking down the street when I saw this dude just vibing. He was telling every guy that walked by if his dick was bigger than theirs, they have to give him 50 bucks.

Long story short, I walked away with 100 bucks that day.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

Dude,

if you stab a cereal box, will that make you a cereal killer?

A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!

Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!

Two bald dudes were pulling each other's hair.

How do you torture an autistic dude? Start a staring contest.

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”

Person 2: “Seven.”

Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”

Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”

(Based on an encounter I had recently)

Bro, I saw two dudes kissing LOL, but not regular kissing.

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

Why’s BBC called BBC?

The dude’s shlong gets bigger every time he says n-

Dude, Mississippi got a better K/D ratio than you.

"Guys! Let’s hang out after school!"

Dude named Guys:

Dude named Out:

Dude named School:

Jace: Haha, I won, dude. You suck at Monopoly!

Timmy: Let's play another game. *GUNSHOT* I guess I won!

Jace: *SCREAMS IN PAIN*

Timmy: What? I thought we were playing Chutes and Ladders!

Why are gay dudes so rude?

Because they're fucking assholes.

I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"

Papyrus: Nyhe heh heh! I got a swim suit! And it even says cool dude!

Sans: I guess now it says pool dude ;)

Papyrus: SSSSAAAAANNNNSSSS!

Some dude called me a tool.

So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right :/