New Dude Jokes

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him bitches always come and go. He’ll looked to me kinda mad kinda confused and said that’s my mom dude

"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"

"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today? Person 2: “Seven” Person: 1: “What the fuck dude..” Person 2: “I know right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.” (Based on an encounter I had recently)

dude what if 9/11 happened becuase they wanted slavery back

Why are gay dudes so rude?

Because they are fucking assholes

I saw a homeless dude and gave him 1$

I saw a homeless woman and gave her 0.77$

Why are day dudes so rude...

Because their fucking ass holes

Yes, sir

Four big guys and they grab on my thighs Blow up my guts like the 4th of July If they keep fuckin' my butt then I might just cry Poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes

He lick my dick and the cum start sprayin' Charging up my dick I'ma go super saiyan When he cum the fuckin' booty I don't do much playing Then I whispered in his ear, like hey are you stayin' He said yeah I'm not leavin'

I guess he George Floyd, cause always leavin' Not breathin' he chew on my dick like a baby That's teathin' I'm fuckin' a nigga I think it's named Steven Hawkin f*ck him 'til he ain't walkin', dick stone-cold call him BBC Austin It's a booty massacre when I visit him in Boston Bought him new titties I don't care what they costin'

Bitch, hop on the dick do a split Shout out Lil Baby My dick is as real as it gets, I'm not fuckin' On him if he don't have tits I'm catchin' his balls like my name Kyle Bitz

There's four Big guys, they're grabin' on my thighs They blow my guts like the 4th of July If he keep fuckin' my butt then I might cry There's poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes

Yes sir, that is a fact tho, take out my dick slip it in his asshole Swinging my dick through the air like a lasso Painted his face like Apollo Pocasso (ugh) But I'm not a very good artist, f*ck 'em all good 'til that Nigga farted planted my seeds in his ass like a garden The way I play with balls, you should call me James Harden

Yeah, DigBar is elite, there's four big guys and I'm takin' their meat I eat the boy's butt, Then I chase him with skeet And I charge for booty, I promise DigBar Isn't cheap And I count dudes when I sleep, not sheep, get up in my sheets And I'm beatin' on my meat

Bitch We got four big guys and they grab on my thighs And they gon' bust on my eyes

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear

"This is the dude who assassinated JFK"

"If you got a question, just shoot"

Man 1:Dude viagra is for pussys real men don’t need viagra Man 2: I thought viagra was for dicks

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still cant f*ck."

Scp 1540 transforms in-front of a d-class: D-class: who dude you’re a wolf! Scp 1540: a am a were

Bruh , the cops just arrested a black dude ...

Well nvm , they shot him ded .

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess" I said 215kg, he didnt find it as funny

I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called 'serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.

Why is that a joke?

Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.

Why is that a joke?

Dude come on you want to start your day off happy or not?

Why is that a joke?

She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.

No seriously dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.

Elmo- welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia

dude- why are we close to Disneyland.

kid- I don't know. Elmo- rule 1 you must not tell the afforests or Bob Iger about us.

meanwhile Officer- come on Elmo you're going to prison. *Officer arrests Elmo* Elmo- But who wants Tickels.

A friend called me a while back say "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing". I reply saying " Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes".