Dude jokes

There was a dude, he was like, "Yo dawg, you wanna die?" I said, "What is this, Friday the 13th?"

Rubbing everywhere but not the clit and asking, "Do you like that?"

(dude wtf)

My friend said, "Dude, if you don't put your desk in line with the column, you're gay." So he did it, and I said, "Well, I guess now he's straight." ;D

There was a dude. He had a mondo dong.

His wife was like, "Yo, where are your balls?"

The dude says he left them in the fridge. His wife replies, "I knew those meatballs tasted weird!"

Don't ever wanna fuck a dude!!

Man: Oi, dude, why did you shoot the orphans!?

Other man: Because.

Man: Because why!?

Other man: Because who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

I was making a coffee for my boss and this was the supposed recipe:

1 egg 1 tomato diced bell peppers a bag of sugar sea salt coffee beans rusted nails.

I got fired and spent the next 20 years in prison with a dude named Papa Bear.

So two dudes were at a bar and out of nowhere they hear, "Oi mate, talk to me like that again, I'm gonna shove this stick so far up your ass you'll look like a Popsicle."

Mase looks like a fat gay dude.

Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!

Dude, ABC, what comes next?

Kid: A big fat noob.

Me: Knock knock.

Some dude on the street: Who's there?

Me: Whowhowho.

Dude: Whowhowho who?

Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.

Yo mama so fat, she fell in love with a skinny dude and tried to hug him but crushed him.

I was like, soon dude, Little Johnny is Big boobs.

- Dude, what is your favorite rapper?

- He is very cold-blooded.

- Why?

- He is Ice Cube.

I killed a homeless dude, now she's at the funeral home. 😭💔

An orphan was playing with a famous baseball player. The baseball player walks up to him and says, "Dude, I gotta teach you." The orphan goes, "Why? I got all your moves down." The baseball player goes, "But kid, you can never find home, though."

A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.

When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"

She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.

The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"

She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."

The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"

"-Hey dude, you got some beef? You want some beef from me?"

"- No thanks... I'm vegetarian!"

Dude, what if 9/11 happened because they wanted slavery back?