Dude

Dude jokes

Job Interview

    • A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."

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    • Meatball

    • There was a dude. He had a mondo dong.

    His wife was like, "Yo, where are your balls?"

    The dude says he left them in the fridge. His wife replies, "I knew those meatballs tasted weird!"

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    • Tower

    • I wasn’t understanding what I had to do for homework, so my teacher said, “Let me break it down for you like the Twin Towers.”

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    • Orphan

    • FRIEND: Hey, want to come to my house?

    LONELY ORPHAN/TRUMP: Want to come to my orphange?

    FRIEND: Dude, I'm blocking you!

    LONELY ORPHAN: :(

    Dude memes

    Emo

    • So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

    But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

    So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

    This was the best day of my life.

    This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

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    • Movie

    • Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?

    You: Yeah, but why so many people?

    Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.

    You: Dude!!!!

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    • Pothead

    • What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

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    • Fist

    • I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"

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    • Dick

    • Chuck Norris' dick is so big that it has its own dick. And his dick's dick is still bigger than Bruce Lee.

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    • Dildo

    • Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?

    A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.

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    • Assault

    • A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"

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