Dude jokes

I hate 9/11 jokes... They always crash and burn, like, dude, it's not funny?

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.

The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?

The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."

BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!

Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.

BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!

Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"

Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.

Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?

A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.

There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.

The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.

Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...

Well nvm, they shot him dead.

SCP-1540 transforms in-front of a d-class:

D-class: Whoa dude, you’re a wolf!

SCP-1540: A am a were.

Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!

My friend's mom: Why you bully me?

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

Dude, 9/11 jokes always bomb.

Dude, all Hitler asked for was a glass of juice, but everyone misheard him.

Some dude: Water you thinking?

Me: You're drowning in my head.

What do you call a man in a wheelchair with no legs?

Geo dude.

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.