Dude Jokes

Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.

Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?

"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"

"Ok!"

"Are you ok, man?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"Dude, pull your pants back up!"

Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.

Q:what’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo A:making sure he doesn’t wake up

There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.

The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.

A text message conversation. The first message says, "What's up?" The second says, "Dude, you're going to kill me. I was a little drunk last night and talking to your wife and I ended up banging her car in the driveway when I pulled out. I think I hit your daughter's bike too. I'll come fix it later, but please say sorry for me to your wife." The third message says, "Not delivered". The last message says "and your daughter".

Me: Yo, dude! yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV I missed three episodes! My friends mom: why you bully me?

SCP-1540 transforms in-front of a d-class:

D-class: Whoa dude, you’re a wolf!

SCP-1540: A am a were.

Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...

Well nvm, they shot him dead.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.

Some dude: Water you thinking?

Me: You're drowning in my head.

This rat did the most amazing thing ever; it was pretty radical, dude.

Dude, all Hitler asked for was a glass of juice, but everyone misheard him.

Dude, 9/11 jokes always bomb.

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player.

"What's that?" Bobby inquired.

"Oh, just something to zone out the other kids," Billy responded.

The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack and pulled out an mp4 player this time.

"Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired.

"Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school," Billy responded.

The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school and pulled out an mp5 rifle.

"Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped.

"Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.