Drug jokes

Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.

What do you call a dictionary on drugs?

High definition or addictionary.

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

What's a duck's favorite drug?

Cwack.

"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?

Cocaine.

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.

When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?

What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?

A baked potato.

What do you call a chair that smokes weed?

A high chair.

Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?

Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.

When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?

Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.

He was high on my list of priorities.

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.

It’s called Trycoxagain.

First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It’s called Enditol.