Drug jokes
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
What do you call a crackhead with no crack?
Pointless.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched her thigh and said, "Do you wanna?" Jill said yes and pulled up her dress and they had some fun.
But silly Jill forgot her pills, and so they had a son.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
Why did the duck cross the road to get to his quack dealer?
Just ask your dad.
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
A Mexican opens a pharmacy in CA. What’s he selling?
Drugs.
Little Johnny went to the beach, found some cocaine, and died. The end.
Why couldn’t the booty stay calm?
Because it was on crack.
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana? They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?
Pot wheels.
Method Man: Yo what’s crackin’?
ODB: Yep
What song did Whitney Houston listen to while doing cocaine?
"Run It!" by Chris Brown.
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.