Drug jokes

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

What do you call it when a man gets high in Panera Bread?

Panera sped.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high, grabbed Jill's thigh, and said, "I know you wanna."

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

What's an Indian's favorite drug?

Beans.

What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?

Pot roast.

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.

If a midget does meth, does he get high or get medium?

Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?

They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on pot?

Pot wheels.

I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said, "You know you wanna."

Jill said yes, picked up her dress and said, "Let's have some fun!"

Silly ole Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."

I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.

What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.