How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
Why do girls only stay in odd groups of friends?
Because they literally can't even.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
Why do ableist people hate autistics?
They're scared they'll never be special enough.
What Minecraft mob do autistic people relate to the most?
The Enderman.
An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.
It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."
The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"
The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"
The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.
Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.
Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"
What do you call a bus full of transgender men? T-Mobile.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
How do you describe a redhead with bad teeth?
Gingervitus.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over and he is going to sleep over so I was happy. The next day I ask my mom wheres the dog at my mom ask me what dog. Then I said to my mom I heard Paul said do you want it doggy and you said yeah.
What do you call two female lovers spying on the government?
Lesbionage.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
What do you call it when school starts in Africa?
Black to school.
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
It's been known that Michael Jackson decided to do a song for the soundtrack for Free Willy, because he thought that he would get free willy in exchange for composing a song.
How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?
They have a dot in the middle of the head.
