My two friends came to me one day and said they had the best blowjob that they ever had from my little sister. So I ask my sister, "Is it true that you gave my friends blowjobs?" She said yes.
My sister asked me, "Do you want one?" I said yeah. My sister gave me a blowjob and wow, just like my friends, it was the best blowjob that I ever had. As an older brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.
How do you make a snooker table laugh? Tickle its balls!
What do you call a banana that can dance?
CHUPAPIMUNYANYO BUISNESS [sic]
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta.
What do you call a midget stripper?
A pocket pussy.
Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.
Do you like soccer? My favorite player is Ronaldo, but we can still get Messi.
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
What do you call a Lesbian at a Barbecue? A LGBBQ.
What do you call it when a gorilla bumps uglies with an orangutan?
Monkeypox.
What do you call Dr. Disrespect on top of a building?
Diddler on the Roof.
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
