DoS jokes
How do non-binary people kill people?
They slash them.
Why do disabled people make good golfers?
Because they're always handicapped.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
What do you call a group of rappers stuck in traffic?
A cypher circle.
What do you call an apartment full of black people?
A CON-dominium.
Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
What do you call a disabled orphan?
A left over vegetables.
Why do orphans cause trouble at school?
So the teachers will call their parents.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?
VEGETABLE OIL!
What do the initials "MAD" stand for?
Mothers Against Democrats.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
What do you call an Eskimo stripper?
A frosty-tute.
What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
What do you call a bunch of Black people in the river?
A black current...
Why do gay men hate periods? Because they per Collins.
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.