Dont jokes

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

1+1=3

If you don't use a condom.

Why do girls rub their eyes after they wake up in the morning? because they don't have balls to scratch.

Mom: Hey son, what does "idk" and "idc" mean?

Son: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Mom: Excuse me?

Son: Oh, and by the way, Mom, what’s for dinner?

I don’t know and I don’t care.

Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?

Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.

I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They don't know where home is.

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

Why do gays get bad grades?

They don't get straight A's.

What issues don't orphans have?

Daddy issues.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.

Going to church, you don't think you are Christian.

Sleeping with ten men, you don't think you are straight.