Dog jokes
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
Squirrel: I got a joke.
Dog: What the hell is it?
Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.
Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
What is a guide dog 🐶 that cannot walk? A useless guide 🐶.
Two men are sitting at a coffee table.
Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."
Joe: "Why do you say that?"
Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."
Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."
Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."
I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
What is a dog?
A pet.
How do you know an abo robbed your house?
The bins (trash cans) are empty and the dog is pregnant.
What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
I smell up dog in here.
"What's up, dog?"
Nothing much, how about you?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
What did the female dog say to the mirror?
Hi, bitch!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs? No point in calling, he won't come anyway :(
Why did the rapper go to the pet store?
To buy a dog for his bark tracks!