Dog jokes
Why do you stink?
Because you haven't showered, tu, perro.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
What do you call a dog without legs?
Nothing, it won't come either way.
What do dogs drink? Pupsi.
What do women and dog turds have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
What's the difference between a man's wife and his dog?
Lock them both in the trunk for three hours and see which is happy to see you when you open it.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
Q. What's a dog's favourite type of sex? A. Ruff.
My dog stepped on a bee, My child spilt my tea, I drank my hot tea, I broke my bloody knee, Now I'm lying in agony, And I'm devastated with no glee.
(Again, credits to my really funny friend)
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
What is cats and dogs' favorite story and movie?
"Romeow and Drooliet!"
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
Top ten dog breeds:
10. Dogs
9. Are
8. Beautiful
7. Animals
6. And
5. Judgement
3. Is
2. Cruel
1. Dachshund
There lived a jackal in a forest. He did not get the day's food, so he was very hungry and wandered throughout the forest, but could not find any food. Finally, he decided to go to the city. As he was walking into the city, he heard some dogs bark. Soon, he found a group of dogs running towards him, so he rushed into a nearby house which belonged to a dyer and fell into a tub filled with blue dye. The dogs that were chasing him returned back as they could not find him. The jackal came out blue from the tub and went into the forest. Every animal in the forest was frightened to see a new animal. The jackal realized that all animals were afraid of him and took advantage of the situation. He called the animals towards him. The jackal said, "Oh my dear friends, I have been sent by gods in heaven to protect you all. I will be the king of this jungle." All the animals became very happy. Everyday they served him food and took care of all his needs. They came to him with all their problems and listened to what their king said. One day as the king jackal was sitting by the court, he heard a pack of jackals howling in the forest. For a long time, he had not heard these voices. He felt very happy, forgetting he was the king, he howled back immediately. All the animals knew who he really was and started chasing him in anger, but the jackal was already on the run.
On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.
I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!
I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
Q: Where do smart hot dogs end up?
A: The honor roll.
What did the dog say to the cat? Ruff!
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."