Dog jokes
Why can't humans hear a dog whistle? -- Because dogs can't whistle.
What has a magic car? A magic dog.
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
Two men are walking down the street, and see a dog licking its balls. One man says I wish I could do that. The other one says you can probably just pet him
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow!
What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
A dog walked into a tavern and said, “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.” The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
A good dog name is Syndrome. That way when it tries attacking, you can yell, "Down, Syndrome!"
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
Why did the dog cause the fight?
Because it was a bulldog.
Why did the dog walk out at night?
To scare his people!
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
What has 8 legs and 2 ears? A dog.
What is cats and dogs' favorite story and movie?
"Romeow and Drooliet!"
I love ❤️ dogs.
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?
It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
How do you make a cat sound like a dog?
You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"
I named my dog "J," and everyone thought I said "jam."