Dog jokes
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
What is a dog that does not walk? A magic dog.
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog? It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
What do you call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) No, a cow! The absence of legs does not change the fact that the species is still a cow! What do you call a DOG with no legs? (A dog?) It doesn't matter what you call it, as it's never going to come.
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where you left it.
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park.
What has 8 legs and 2 ears? A dog.
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!
What time do dogs 🐕 get a walk done ✅?
Time to walk with your dog 🐶!
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
What is the difference between a human and a magic dog? What is a human.
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.