Dog jokes
I love ❤️ dogs.
Why did the dog cause the fight?
Because it was a bulldog.
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
What time is it when dogs get hurt?
Time to take your dog to the vet!
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
life
Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?
It had a ruff night. 😂
Mom: I'm getting you a dog!
Me: OMG REALLY?!
Mom: Yeah, what gender do you want?
Me:...
Me: Bitch, please.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
What is a dog that is awesome? A smart dog.
What is a dog that does not walk? A magic dog.
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog? It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
Why did the dog walk out at night?
To scare his people!
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
Person: Where do I commit suicide?
Dog: Roof.
Person: Good idea.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
About a dog.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!