Dog jokes
What’s a homo police dog?
A gay-9.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
My mum told me to do the dog poo, but I couldn't find you anywhere.
Yo mama so ugly, she has a sign in her garden saying, “Beware of the dog!”
One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."
The other said, "Really? I like my bed."
Is there anything worse than when it's raining cats and dogs? Yes, hailing taxis.
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog? It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
Aliana is so fat, she can't fit through a hula hoop.
What is a dog with only two legs? A human.
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
You want to know what annoying people and dogs have in common.
The female ones are called "bitch."
What time is it when dogs get hurt?
Time to take your dog to the vet!
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
What do you call a dog wearing a beret?
Smeargle!
The 🦅 asked the female eagle, "What did you eat?"
"I ate New York hot dogs."
What do dogs and planks have in common? They both have to be walked.
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.