Dog jokes
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
What is the name of Hellen Keller's dog?
NYAHHH NYAHH NYUUUU NYAAHHHAADUUDU!
What do you call a suspicious dog?
A sussy bark-er.
Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?
Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?
Why are Asians good at math?
Because the dog can’t eat their homework.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?
Snoopy Dog.
What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?
One of them is actually loved.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.