Dog jokes
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
Why did Elsa's dog run away?
Because she let it go!
Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
Her dog was blind, too.
What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?
Oooooooooh girl, you lion!
A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?
The wiener.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ken.
Ken who?
Can you walk the dog for me?
What do you call a dog that fell into the Porta-Potty?
A Corgi Potty.
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
OK, guys, quick update, what is going on with Freshfry, Drew, and Alya?
All they're doing is fighting, and I want to put an end to it. So Freshfry, Drew, and Alya all need to read this, OK. First, Freshfry, you should've just said OK the first thing he said, and Drew... really? You had to keep egging him on. I don't know about Alya, but it's like cats and dogs fighting. Just please stop fighting :(
I lost my dog. I probably shouldn't have named him "rape."
When I was a child, I was made to walk the plank... We couldn't afford a dog.
What is a dog that you can drive?
A big doggy car.
What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?
Only the taste.
I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?
What has four legs and one arm? A rottweiler at a park.
Do you know Helen Keller?
Yes.
Did you know she had a dog?...... Neither did she!
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"