Dog jokes
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
Why are Asians good at math?
Because the dog can’t eat their homework.
What do you call a suspicious dog?
A sussy bark-er.
Memes
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
A small boy went up to a dog fountain? The more you. HAHA gorgeous ddollars of benjamin frnakus wghen hes wearing beakini bea at the beach hahaha.
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
What does an orphan and a dog have in common?
Both got taken from their parents.
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.