Dog jokes

What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?

Play pretend dog in the bed.

Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?

Snoopy Dog.

What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?

One of them is actually loved.

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

A small boy went up to a dog fountain? The more you. HAHA gorgeous ddollars of benjamin frnakus wghen hes wearing beakini bea at the beach hahaha.

A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.

Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.

What does an orphan and a dog have in common?

Both got taken from their parents.

Roses are red, grass is greener.

When I think of you, I play with my weiner.

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

Why did the dog cross the road twice?

Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?

A: Eggs.

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.

The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."

"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."

"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."