Dog jokes
A dog walked into a tavern and said, "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."
The humor of it is probably related to the Sumer way of life (and has been lost), but the words remain.
What does an orphan and a dog have in common?
Both got taken from their parents.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
Memes
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
Why are Asians good at math?
Because the dog can’t eat their homework.
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
"Gosh, it's raining cats and dogs," said Suzie, looking out of the kitchen window.
"I know," said her mother, "I've just stepped in a poodle!"