Dog jokes

Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?

They didn't because they ate it.

What's the difference between an orphan and a dog?

One of them is actually loved.

Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?

Snoopy Dog.

Roses are red, grass is greener.

When I think of you, I play with my weiner.

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!

Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?

A: Eggs.

Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!

What do you call an Italian dog?

A labra-noodle.

Why was the dog so stressed out?

It had a ruff day.

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.

The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."

"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."

"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."

A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.

The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”

The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."