Dog jokes
What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?
I don't know... I'm from China.
Why do Asians excel at math?
Because their dog can never eat their homework.
What is a Mexican's favorite type of dog?
A Chihuahua.
Are you a dog because you're a fucking bitch?
My dog died.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
Mrs. Harolen: Students, tomorrow's assignment is to bring your parents to school for a conference with the teacher information.
Garen: I want to know who cannot bring their parents to a conference. ORPHANS!
Students: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Mrs. Harolen: Garen sit down! NOW!
Garen: Hey, why can't orphans get a dog? They don't have their parents to drive them to the animal shelter.
Halen: Yeah! Why are orphans racist? Because they never saw their parents with a different race!
Students: No, that's not funny!
Student: SHUT UP!
In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.
They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"
The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."
Have you ever seen Helen Keller's dog?
Neither has she.
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.
What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down.
How do you know if an Asian has broken into your house?
Your dog is gone. ;)
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
I named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.
They're trained for that.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.