Dog jokes
My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"
My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?
Ohhh, an owner.
Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
My friend made a joke about a dog. I said it was a "RUFF" joke.
Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!
Vital information: if you find a stray dog in an alleyway, don't stare at its eyes.
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"
This is a classic.
Why did the Dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot Dog!
I smell up dog in here.
"What's up, dog?"
Nothing much, how about you?
I should name my dog Ariana Grande.
That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.
How can you tell it's a gay barbecue?
'Cause all the hot dogs taste like shit.
Like if you like dogs. Dislike if you like cats. Other animal? Tell me in the comments!
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!