Dog jokes
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.
If a tree could be any animal, what would it be?
Answer: A dog because of its bark lol. 😀
Why did the rapper go to the pet store?
To buy a dog for his bark tracks!
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
What do you call a smart blonde Labrador?
What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?
A boomboxer.
What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
Why does rapeboat like going to the dog shelter? It's cheaper than a whore house.
Why is a rap boat like a dog?
They both get off sniffing assholes.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.
Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"
How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"
Yo mama is such a slut, she could get slapped by a pack of hot dogs and get pregnant.
What animal has 5 legs?
A pitbull on a children's playground.