Dog jokes
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
"A N N O Y I N G - D O G - R O B - Y O U R - S A F E."
Confusion life question!!!
* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?
When you tell an Asian kid it’s raining cats and dogs and he’s like, “Just open your mouth and close your eyes!”
What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?
A Konichiuahua.
What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.
Why do you stink?
Because you haven't showered, tu, perro.
What did the mongol say to his dog?
Down syndrome!
What do you call a blind German shepherd?
A Nazi.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
What do feminists and dogs share in common? They need to be taken to obedience school.
I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"
I felt bad for a dog, and I looked to my left, and there was an orphan, and I said I will make you a website, and I said there won't be a homepage.
Why are dogs different than orphans?
Because dogs don't cry for their parents.
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
What do orphans have in common with stray dogs?
Nothing, they are both orphans.