DOE jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a barn red? Depends on how hard you throw them.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
How does Stephen Hawking take a shit? He logs out.
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
What does a terrorist do when they see a twin?
They fly a plane at them.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer: 1 to actually change the light bulb and the other 98 to suck each others' cocks and shit like that.
What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".
What does General Grievous say after he gets his penis growth pills?
A fine addition to my erection.
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
I went to a sleepover at my best friend's house. He lives with his grandpa and little brother, his mom and dad. His little brother likes to run around the house naked sometimes. I can't help but notice his grandpa always looks up when he does.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
What kind of car does Pikachu drive?
A Volts-wagon.
What is not the definition of prostitution?
A dumb blonde that got money for babysitting. Does it cycle now?
What part of a computer system does an orphan not have?
A motherboard.
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.