DOE jokes

Why can’t Germans call a taxi? *does taxi calling motion*

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

What instrument does a special ed kid play? An autistic guitar.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they're so DARN STUPID!!!!

How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.

What do the initials UAW stand for?

United Awesome Whores.

How does a terrorist feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane."

Louis Armstrong and Tork Poettschke go for a walk.

One says to the other, "My wife always says that icke is no worse than the other men."

"How many men does your wife have?"

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”

What kind of experience does a feminazi have for being a feminist?

Being a bitch.

What does a stuttering Santa call Mrs. Claus?

A hoe hoe hoe.

Why does everyone say there are mines in Bosnia? There are no-

What does a furry call a sexy furry?

A foxy lady!

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?

"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."

Does that dick match that forehead? 👀

Q: Why do I always see gays in the roundabout?

A: They couldn’t go straight.