DOE jokes
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How many Emos does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They all just sit in the dark and cry.
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
What game does an emo hate the most?
Life!
What does America say?
A-marry-ca!
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What does Kurt have in common with painters?
They paint walls.
How much work does a skeleton get done?
A SKELE-TON!
How many police officers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb, and the other to open fire while the room is dark.
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
Q: If an electric train heads south, which way does the steam go?
A: No steam.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans
What does Stephen Hawking have for food?
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
What does a rain cloud wear under her dress?
Thunderwear.
How does a crazy person get to the woods?
He takes the psychopath.
"Hey, what does IDK mean?"
"I don't know."
"Okay, then I am going to ask someone else."
Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?
Because he can't even walk.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.