DOE jokes

What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".

Why does Trump play Minecraft?

'Cause he can build walls.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

Why does the emo hate Christmas?

The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.

How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?

He can't run, just hug the bomb.

What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.

Gutted rn... the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does... man...

Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?

A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.

What does one piece of toilet paper say to the other?

"I'm wiped!"

How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?

199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).

Get?

What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.

How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.

Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?

A: A skele-TON.

What does a polite mouse say?

"Cheese and thank you."

Superman and Flash were in the living room pounding back a few beers. Flash says to Superman, "I bet you can fly into Wonder Woman's bedroom and get the best pussy of your life." So he does it. When he goes back to Flash, Superman says, "Man, that was great, but my ass kinda burns."

Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.

What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!

What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!

What does a baby computer call his father? Data!

What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!

Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!

Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.

Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!