DOE jokes
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as you like. They can’t change anything.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What does a phone and a grandma have in common? They both die.
What's the difference between them? If you shove something up your grandma's ass, she won't come back to life.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends how hard you throw them.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
What does Earl Bradley and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?
None. Feminists can't change anything.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
What do Ethiopian people have better than Australians?
Internet.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, and swim is already in America.
Q: How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride a bike?
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they can't change anything.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
Why do people eat bananas? Because it's a-peeling!
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.