DOE jokes
The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.
Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.
Stephen Hawking walking, oops, he does not do that anymore.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
He doesn't want to be spotted.
Daughter: Dad.
Dad: Yes honey?
Daughter: I'm lesbian.
Dad: Ok.
Daughter 2: Dad.
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.
Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?
Son: I do...
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Why does the pimp always use job fairs as a way of recruiting new hoes?
He always gets a great turnout.
When a lady gets married, what does she borrow?
She borrows her husband's last name.
Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?
He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer!
My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.
She does not exist.
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
How many Africans does it take to change a light?
A water bottle.
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?
One doesn't eat their husband out.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a baby?
A: The pizza does not scream when you put it in the oven.
Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?
A: Ow!