DOE jokes
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
Lightning doesn’t strike twice in the same place, but Chuck Norris does.
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?
A skele-TON!
What does a nosey paper do?
It gets "Jalapeño" your face!
I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.
My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Terrible!
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
If a person walks off a hundred-foot cliff and halfway down screams, "Why did I do that?" Then a second person walks off the same one-hundred-foot cliff and screams the same verse, "Why did I do that?" Then another person walks off the cliff and screams the same line, "Why did I do that," and the next person does the same thing. What do you call that?
(Stupid People)
Why does Barry Bannan laugh when he plays football?
Because the grass tickles his balls because he's so short.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!