DOE jokes
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
Where does the keyboard go to dinner? The space bar.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
What does Joyce from the show "Stranger Things" say when she has a flat tire? "Wheil, wheil, wheres wheil?"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
What's so great about dead baby jokes? They never get old.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"If we don’t get some support people will think we are ball sacks..."
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
Why does Blake like lakes? Because of cake!
Why does Blake eat cake? Because Caleb can't.
Why does an orphan like home base? Because he doesn't have one.
Does anyone go to Eagle High School? Tell me what classes you have from 1st period to 4th period if you go to Eagle High School.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
What do you (anyone) and a joke not have in common?
Jokes have meanings.
What word starts with M and ends in RAGE? Miscarriage.
That joke never gets old... but neither does the baby...;)
What game does an emo hate the most?
Cut the Rope.