Doctors jokes
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
When Stephen Hawking is ill 🤮, do you take him to Curry's PC World or the doctors? 😂😂😂😂
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
Why did Daveon go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
What did the doctor say to the orphan?
"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on the scale the doctor asked for her weight, not her phone number.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.