Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's.". The old man says "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?" Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now." Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff." Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what's the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I've been trying to contact you sense yesterday
Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract." Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam
Doctor: Yup
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor
You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough....🥵🤣
Alfonsos mom is so fat. That she stepped on the scale and the doctor sayd “oh Shit thats my phone number!!!”
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression. It’s called Enditol.
When I was born the doctors said , “it’s a boy!” Then when they went to cut the embilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said , “OH, It’s a girl.”
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
What is the difference between a Priest and a Doctor
The Doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
Doctor: You're as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That's great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.
An orphan goes to a doctor. Doctor: Sorry I can't help you Orphan: But why? Doctor: I'm a family doctor
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked," Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are to sharp."
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital Reload and keep shooting
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
