Doctors jokes
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
Why are hospitals always freezing?
They need to keep the vegetables cold.
Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?
Doctor: To the morgue.
Man: But I’m not dead yet.
Doctor: Are we there yet?
Yo mama is so dumb that she went to the eye doctor just to buy an iPhone.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!