Doctors Jokes

Why are hospitals always freezing?

They need to keep the vegetables cold.

A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: doctor doctor i broke my leg The doctor said: i see...

A guy with aids went into the doctors room unusually happy. You could even say he was.... HIV positive.

Why did the dumb blonde 👱‍♂️ pee inside the condom because the doctor told the dumb blonde 👱‍♂️ that the dumb blonde 👱‍♂️ was going to get a urine test

Man: Doctor where are you taking me Doctor: to the morgue Man: but I’m not dead yet Doctor: are we there yet

Doctor: what is your zodiac sign?

Patient: cancer why?

Doctor: what are the chances

Patient: of what?

When i was going downstairs Sum Ting Wong fell and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened

what did the doctor say to the Chinese man

some ting wong

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left? Doctor: Ten. Man: Weeks? Months? Days? Doctor Nine, eight, seven...

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while bieng at work was and i replied " being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers"

20. Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby, and throws it, smashing around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter, he approaches her and says "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion but I was curious to know if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?" The young lady smiles and says "That's a lot of money, of course I would." The doctor smiles and says "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?" The young lady says "What are you joking? That's no money at all, Of course I wouldn't, what do you think I am?" The Doctor smiles again and says "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."