Doctors jokes

Doctor

    • Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

    And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

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    • Man

    • A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

    So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

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    • Abuse

    • *The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*

    *My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*

    Well what am I gonna do now...

    Finger

    • I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?

    Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.

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    • Doctors memes

    Doctor

    • Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

    So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

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    • Cake

    • Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”

    Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

    Eyesight

    • When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"

    I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."

    Cancer

    • Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

    Doctor: Ten.

    Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

    Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

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    • Mama

    • Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

    Guy

    • A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.

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    • Blonde

    • Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?

    Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!