Doctors jokes
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
Me and Who?
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
Jon and Amanpreet were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest picking two of the best patients and gives them two questions. If they got them correct, they’re deemed cured and free to go.
Jon was called into the doctor’s office first and asked if he understood that he’d be free if he answered the questions correctly. The doctor said, “Jon, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?” Jon said, “I’d be half blind.” “That’s correct. What if I poked out both eyes?” “I’d be completely blind.” The doctor stood up, shook Jon’s hand, and told him he was free.
On Jon’s way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Jon mentioned the exam to Amanpreet. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Amanpreet came in. The doctor went thru the formalities and asked, “What would happen if I cut off one ear?” Amanpreet, remembering what Jon had said was the correct answer said, “I’d be half blind.” The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. “What if I cut off the other ear?” “I’d be completely blind,” Amanpreet answered. “Amanpreet, can you explain how you’d be *blind*?” “My hat would fall down over my eyes.”
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Dear doctor,
I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly, Ray Palp
Why didn't the orange go to the doctor?
Because he had vitamin C.
Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
Asian kid: I’m not a doctor, and I’m not good at math.
Me: That’s what I call an orphan!
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.