Doctors jokes
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because she felt peely!
What is black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
Stranger: Do you need hair regrowth products?
Kid: No, my hairline is just far back.
Stranger: Do you need a doctor?
What do you call a rapper who's also a doctor?
Dr. Dre.
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
Why did the house go to the doctor?
Because it had a window pane.
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
My mom told me that her doctor told her personally that she had to keep herself isolated because she has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great ass.
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
Don't say "stay positive" to the wrong doctor.
Why didn't the doctor help the orphan?
Because he was a family doctor!
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.