Doctors jokes
"I need to go to the doctor!"
"Why?"
"It has a crack in it."
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.
Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
NO PAPERS CAN CHANGE MY FUTURE!
What is the difference between a thief and a doctor?
The thief knows what you have!
Why did the alligator see a crocodile?
Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.
Why did the doctor tell the man to go for a mountain walk?
Alps clear the mind! Haha.
Sarcastic Doctor: Tell me.
Guy: I have leukemia in the brain.
Sarcastic Doctor: That doesn't concern me.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
What TV series do orphans hate?
"House, M.D."
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Who is the first person an orphan sees? The doctor.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Why do doctors use so much lipstick?
Because they love cos-medics!
Yo mama is so fat, the doctor asked for her weight, she told her phone number.
If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.