Doctor Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

are you a mental hospital? cause I need to be in you

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says: 'Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up.' Man bursts into tears, says 'But doctor... I am Pagliacci.'

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? It only takes one but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.

When you were born, you were so ugly, that the doctors slapped your parents. 👏🏻

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger."

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!!!"

A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said i cant treat you, the boy asked why, and the doctor said because im a family doctor.

I wanted to get brain surgery. I changed my mind.

How can you tell an anti vaccine kid

It's only got 10 hours to live

A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" "of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms"

*The doctor asking why Ive broken 19 bones in the past week*

*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*

well what am i gonna do now...

My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam. That being said I wish he hadn't!

Today I went to the doctor for a test and he said I have 10 months to live. So later that day I stabbed him to death & the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful like cyanide

A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.” Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me”