Doctor jokes
The greatest doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grabs one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are too young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.
Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?
Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.
Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
Cancer.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?
(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)
Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.
I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜