Doctor jokes
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.
What do you call a doctor in Panera Bread?
Panera Med.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
Memes
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."
You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has to want to change.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
*The doctor asking why I've broken 19 bones in the past week*
*My abusive mum- Go on, tell him!*
Well what am I gonna do now...
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!