Disease Jokes

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.

What's the best thing about Alzheimer's?

You can hide your own Easter Eggs!

Every zodiac sign has a hairstyle except for Cancer.

What’s green and yellow and eats at your nuts?

Gonorrhea.

What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

The meme shows a blurry, black and white image of a plague doctor with the text "when the leeches don't work".

What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?

Nut in the butt.

Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.

What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.

Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"

Jimmy: "That's great!"

Doctor: "A horse with cancer."

A little girl being Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

Priest: "What did you do, child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, Father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes, Father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "But, Father, he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

I was on the Oregon trail with my friend's brother, Carl. He got cholera, so we threw him off the wagon. When we came back, he was having a seizure and pooping uncontrollably. It was pretty cholerious.

Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.

I forgot the joke.

What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?

AIDS.

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman. You can’t beat it, but if you do, she’ll probably come back again.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.