Disabled jokes
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Not being retarded.
My brother
Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii I'm famous!
What is black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
Why did the midget not go to bed?
He couldn't reach the bed.
You guys should be ashamed of yourselves, making fun of the disabled. After all, they can't stand up for themselves.
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.