Disabled jokes
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
What did the deaf man say to the blind man before he fell into the well?
Nothing.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new piano?
Neither has he.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair.
But I knew she'd come crawling back to me.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.