Disabled jokes
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.
What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
How do you get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?
I don't know. He hasn't opened it yet.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?
Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
Why did they call off the leper hockey game?
There was a face-off in the corner.
What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?
Nothing.
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"