Disabled jokes

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile.

I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked. "I'm a Paralympian," he replied. "Boxing?" "No, ... hurdles."

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.

Why don't blind people skydive?

Because it scares their dogs too much!

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

What do you do with epileptic lettuce? -- You make a seizure salad.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

Why is Stephen Hawking a bad role model? -- He doesn't stand for anything.

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.

What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.

If a midget with down syndrome shows up late for work, is it okay to say she's a little tardy?

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? -- Meals on wheels.

What is black and sits at the top of the stairs? -- Steven Hawking after a house fire.