Difference jokes

What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?

E.T. can actually call home.

What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?

At least the mountain has two hills.

What is the difference between a feminazi and a female prostitute?

If you want the female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

Kris looks like a Neanderthal. The only difference is that Neanderthals serve a purpose in HUMAN HISTORY.

What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?

He didn't either.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.

What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.

Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?

A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.

What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...

Michael Phelps can finish a race.

What's the difference between vitiligo and plastic surgery?

Vitiligo doesn't alter facial features.

Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?

Q. What's the difference between a baby and a bale of straw?

A. I got arrested last time I speared a baby with a pitchfork.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.

What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?

At least gorillas don't abort their own.

What’s the difference between a dad and a boulder?

About 15 stone.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?

The emo girl still bleeds.

What is the difference between a normal kid and an orphan?

A normal kid has a family.

Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.